Warrior cloves of garlics

So my girlfriend texts me saying that she didn't eat lunch because there was too much garlic in it and it was making her stomach upset...this is the first thing I thought of for some reason....

The Girlfriend

So, recently, I've acquired myself a girlfriend. She's absolutely fantastic but there seems to be some strange things that I've noticed since acquiring said girlfriend...

This is how my bed was BEFORE the girlfriend

And this is after...

This is how sleeping usually commences.

Then I get too warm from the cuddling, so I roll away...

But the girlfriend begins to get cold, so she subconsciously rolls over towards the closest heat source (me).

But once again, I'm too warm, so I try and move away again...but I'm literally on the edge of the mattress....

This is where the girlfriend begins what I can only assume as a strange tribal dance to the sleeping gods.

Violently extending and contracting limbs in every which way....heya heya heya heya!

She soon becomes the human compass...

Spinning every which way as she tries to take up as much space as humanly possible...

And she keeps turning...

I can only assure you that when I wake up, I'm usually not staring at her face...

I've also noticed something else as well. Why is it that girls have so many HAIR TIES AND BOBBY PINS?!?!?

I'll be picking up my dirty laundry and guess what I find?

Exactly.

 Now mind you, my girlfriend has the most gorgeous, luxurious, long black hair that I'm so so so soooooo in love with. The only problem is...that her hair has a high turnover rate, and she sheds...a lot. It literally gets everywhere.

Oh hello there cute ball of my girlfriend's hair! How are you today?

Oh? I see another one of your friends have taken shelter in our shower, that's cool...I guess.

Oh hi there random hair that wraps around my toes and makes me feel very uncomfortable...

Oh hello random strand of hair that somehow got wrapped around my toothbrush...how ever did you get here??

And of course, the sneaky pile of hair in the corner of my room...

So between my husky and my girlfriend, I have all the hair I could ever want :)

But seriously though, I absolutely adore the girlfriend with her strange sleeping patterns and demon hair. ;)

My sister Annie wanted me to draw her halfway through my blog...

She wanted me to draw her with big boobs, holding Mr., and a firetruck...

Childhood Fear: At the supermarket with Mum

So this story is about the (many) times my Mum left me in line at the supermarket because she forgot to get something...and I'm sure we've all had the same panic attack and experienced the same emotions. This is dedicated to those who are still a little anxious when left alone in line at the grocery store...

(Me as a child arriving at the supermarket with Mother dearest)

(Everything is going ever-so-swell!)

(HEY MOM! LOOK! IT'S THE SIZE OF MY HEAD!)

(Wow, look at all those groceries! Good thing I don't have money so I don't Need to pay!)

(This line is kinda long, but it's okay, Mummy is here!)

(Mom: "Mylo, stay here, Mommy forgot to pick up something, I'll be right back")

(Mom: "Are you going to be okay here?")


(Of course at the time, i wanted to prove that i was a big kid and could handle being by myself)

Biggggg mistakeeeee!

Almost out of sight :(


(It's okay, there's still 2 people in front of me, plenty of time for mom to come back...:/)


(Okay, one person in front of me...she's having a conversation with the cashier, it's okay Mylo, It's okay....mom?)


(They stopped talking! She's cashing things in! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! I HAVE NO MONEY! MOM! COME BACK!)


(Maybe I can back out of line....fuck! Ther's a guy behind me...he looks annoyed...is he gonna yell at me if I back out? Mum's gonna yell at me if i back out...He's kinda scary....*looks back*)

(I had an active imagination!)

(Oh God, He looks so angry! *looks back again*)

AHHHHHH!

MOM~!!!!!!!!

(In reality, he was probably just making an angry/confused face about something else, but as a kid, anyone that looks angry...IS ANGRY!)

(AND OUT OF THE DARKNESS, COMES MOM!)

(We end up paying for everything and went on our way....until.....)

FML

Why I never go to Starbucks.

This is the reason why I never go to starbucks...


















I...just...want...a...fucking...coffee! WHY IS IT SO HARD!!!??!!